Saturday, April 9, 2011

Big Changes - So Grateful

Hey Stompers!

Been a long time.  Just life really.  Been crafting when I can get a chance but mostly just living.  Like the heading says, "big changes"....

Big Change #1 - I turn 40 on Monday.  I know it is a highly recognized and feared milestone in the lives of many but I really think it is just a number and I don't know how it feels to be 40.  Most days I feel 12.  Some days, physically, I feel 187.  When I'm really happy, I feel 8.  Yes I am talking years-old.  I've thoroughly enjoyed my 30s and now I'm knocking on the door to 40. 

Big Change #2 - It is cosmically random, fantastical, karmic, and surreal that on April 11th (my birthday) my mom is going into a special care facility.  We put in her application on Monday and she had a placement by Friday in our first choice.  This N-E-V-E-R happens.  We thought at best she might be placed in late Fall.  We never imagined, hoped, or prayed for anything like this.  Briefly, my mom has vascular dementia, Alzheimer's type, and she lives with me and I'm her primary care giver.  Being a care giver has been an on-going lesson in grief, tolerance, patience, being present, flexibility, breathing and self-care...which leads me to....

So Grateful!

I am so grateful for my husband, my siblings, my in-laws, my extended family, and last but not least my friends.  Words cannot express how much I have appreciated the support, the laughs, the diversions, the hugs, the ears that hear and listen, the shoulders for leaning and crying, the words of encouragement, the reassurances and for being in my life.  There were times in the recent past that I didn't think I'd ever make it to see this day happen but you guys propped me up and helped me drag my ass across the line.  There isn't a card big enough or special enough that I could ever make to say thank you so there will be A LOT of hugging in everyone's future. 

I am overwhelmed with possibility for the first time in a long time.  I hope not to be overcome or to become static.  There will be a lot of adjustments in the house. Minutes and hours that I can reclaim.  I have a lot of Hope and I am Grateful. 

It really is true:  it isn't the destination at all - it is totally the journey.  I am grateful to have made the journey.  I am relieved to have arrived at this destination.  I hope I am a better person for having lived it.  I look forward to whatever comes my way.

Thanks for listening. 

Peace.